Trapped

Trapped inside my head
I so badly need out
but no one can hear me
no one hears silent shouts

I'm closing in on insanity
meters are way up on despair
I just feel so alone
Like nobody even cares

I used to have goals
even hopes and even dreams
but now i have nothing
is it really as bad as it seems?

I will hide all my struggles
enforcing with routine is the key
No one will suspect anything
if there's nothing to see

I blame it on teenage angst
my reason for falling of course
I'm unbelievably angry
but missing a source

I tell myself it's withdrawal
that's why I'm acting weird
but who knew it would be like this
the old me has disappeared

Maybe I'm the me I've always been
am i really this weak?
I can't take it if it's true
this isn't the me i meant to seek

I'm confused, I'm lost
why do i feel like this?
I need someone to talk to
someone with who wont just spit bliss

Oh well. I prefer keeping it to myself
that way there's no one to blame
for saying the wrong things
and just feeding the flames

I'm just not sure
what exactly it means
I just know I dont like me
not when I'm clean

<3 shelby

Throwing them the bone

Every Month I go
just to let them check in my mind
but I always stay bottled up
cant take the risk to unwind

I wander int he door
up the stairs to the waiting room
I analyze those around me
what brought them to this doom?

Perhaps they're just like me
and nobody really knows
just aware somethings wrong
they too must've let a symptom show

Suddenly my name is called
I break out from my thoughts
I walk out with the nurse
is every person in this building such a bot?

Height and weight first
yawn. can i go?
listings of questions
the answers they already know

WAIT! what was that last one?
Do i ever think about...?
uh... NO. never. absolutely not
I need this question out

I always consider telling the truth
and answering "all the time"
but i know they'd lock me up
those words are a crime

Moving on to the doctor
where mom tells whats wrong
she doesnt even know
but she's been trying to help all along

so i let her tell him
what treatments to try
hey why not go along with it
without even a question why

So i just agree completely
failing all pre-set expectations
I let them prescribe me how they wish
no words from me, no hesitation

Let them decide my issues
even though they're far from close
Whoa. suprise! they dont help?
oh. just up the dose

Gotta keep my secrets
dont let them in my head
just keep showing my fake progress
keep doing what is said

Maybe if they think im fixed...
I'll be left alone!
I mean i'd know im still screwed up
but hey, i'll throw them a bone


<3 shelby